« May 2006 | Main | July 2006 »
June 29, 2006
Where to go, where to go....
Upscale couple on the tube...
Where are we going this weekend?
I thought we could go to Italy...
No...no thanks, maybe somewhere else?
Why, whats wrong?
Nothing....it's just that....
What?
There are so many Italians there............
Oh, OK......
Overheard: Jeremy
Overheard on: Tube
Posted by Overheard at 09:15 PM | TrackBack
No, this is an authentic fake...durr
Drunk guy: Is this a fake fake or a fake copy?
Where: Hamstreet
Posted by Overheard at 09:12 PM | TrackBack
June 27, 2006
A reader writes
Homeless guy: Money for the homeless?
Guy: I look more homeless than him! I mean, look at my clothes!
This is only HALF a t-shirt!
Where: Hastings
Posted by Overheard at 09:13 PM | TrackBack
my,my,my
Woman: (posh voice, disgusted) What horrible steps!
Where: Alexandra Park, Hastings
Posted by Overheard at 09:13 PM | TrackBack
Ahhhh Bjork.....Bless You.
Girl 1: (sad, tearful) You know,
Bjork has really helped me. You know,
she\'s so passionate. It's like she knows exactly how I'm feeling
right now. God, I am so in love with Bjork!
Girl 2: Wow...
Where: Train to Rye
Posted by Overheard at 09:10 PM | TrackBack
Red Orbit Blog of the Day Award
We just received the Red Orbit
Blog of the Day award...Yippie!
Keep them witty, smart ass comments coming ;-)
Posted by Overheard at 01:35 AM | TrackBack
June 23, 2006
ummmm
Man: It makes my wife cry when I say "titties".
Where: Bus to Bexhill
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 07:15 PM | TrackBack
Ah, that's sweet...
Footballer number 1 to dejected footballer number 2 on number two
being a crap player: "No, you're like a flower getting ready to bloom"
Where: St Andrews
Overheard by: Em
Posted by Overheard at 07:13 PM | TrackBack
June 22, 2006
Huh?
Two women chatting...'ooh have you seen his flat? It's lovely,
it's had all that Sinn Fein'
Where: On a Lewisham bus
Overheard by: Tony
Posted by Overheard at 07:13 PM | TrackBack
A word from James...
A Scottish man wearing short short shorts starts
to fall backwards, grabs his crotch and shouts
"Hold on to your bobbins!"
Where: The tube
Overheard by: Daisy (on behalf of James)
Posted by Overheard at 07:11 PM | TrackBack
it's just the liquor talking...
My bar shows footie - it's quite a well known local fact.
The England match is on tonight.
Customer: "Are you showing the game to-night"?
Bar Tender: (wind up) "Why, who's playing"?.
Customer: (with look of disbelief) "England, of course".
Bartender: (still on wind up and serious) "Oh yeah, right, no, sorry.
We're showing The Isle of Dogs Vs The Isle of Sheppey.
The look on the customers face 'Priceless'.
Where: The Bar again
Overheard by: Stephan
Posted by Overheard at 07:09 PM | TrackBack
June 20, 2006
ouch....expensive ouch.
Walking through the paddock after the endurance motor race:
Man 1 - So did you have a good day?
Man 2 - Yeah, until both cars crashed
Where: Le Mans
Overheard by: Chris
Posted by Overheard at 07:16 PM | TrackBack
June 19, 2006
OK.....
Boyfriend: Do you know that they have British
versions of Japanese love hotels...wink,wink.
Girlfriend: Reaaly...what are they called here?
Boyfriend: Alley's
Girlfriend, disgusted: PIG!
Overheard: Jeremey
East End
Posted by Overheard at 08:12 PM | TrackBack
Free protein...
Tourist1: I love riding those double deckers,don't you?
Tourist2: Yeah, except when it is windy, and
I am sitting on the top deck...
Tourist1: Huh...
Touristist2: I always fall asleep, and wake up with
leaves and bugs in my teeth.....
Overheard: Chelsea
Posted by Overheard at 08:07 PM | TrackBack
June 17, 2006
Okay?
Girl: (chirpily) We'll probably find out that they
all collapsed in the field and died.
Where: Hamstreet
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 06:54 PM | TrackBack
A reader writes
Scouse girl- what's your favourite Chinese food?
Chinese girl- sweet and sour chicken and rice.
Scouse boy- my fabourite Chinese is chips with
curry sauce on.
Where: In a school in Liverpool
Overheard by: Cutetwirler
Posted by Overheard at 06:52 PM | TrackBack
Too much free time...
Two men stood talking.
Man 1- it sounds a cool place!
Man 2- yeah, basically it's the Lake
District on steroids.
Where: Liverpool
Overheard by: Cutetwirler
Posted by Overheard at 06:49 PM | TrackBack
June 16, 2006
Ummm, ouch.
Girl to guy: What have I told you about my orifices?
Where: Central Line
Overheard by: Margeurite
Posted by Overheard at 07:02 PM | TrackBack
Sceezers....
Girl 1: Yeah I'm meeting up with him. He's twenty,
he has a fiancee and a kid.
Girl 2: Oh my God! Mine has a WIFE and a kid.
He's twenty-nine.
Girl 1: looks at her then shakes her hand saying "Well done!"
Overheard: Outside health club
Posted by Overheard at 07:01 PM | TrackBack
A reader writes
My next-door neighbour's baby was crying
really loudly for ages.
Mother: Christ! Anyone would think I was beating you!
Where: Over the garden fence
Posted by Overheard at 06:58 PM | TrackBack
June 13, 2006
A reader writes
Customer (looking over the real ales on offer):
"I fancy a Rebellion"
(a beer brand).
Barman: "So did a lot of people,
It only ended in tears"
Posted by Overheard at 06:44 PM | TrackBack
He says, She says...
Young couple at the airport...
She says, "why couldn't we drive, I hate flying?"
He says, "cos I lost my license"
She says, "yeah but I could done the driving."
He says, "no way"
She says, "why not?"
He says, "Cos you drive like old people f#*k"
Where: Heathrow departures lounge
Overheard by: Jed
Posted by Overheard at 06:42 PM | TrackBack
June 11, 2006
Sex,Drugs, Rock & Roll, Yeah, Baby!!!!
OK, Now that I got your attention ;-)
We have over 100,000 Daily Readers, and only
a few of you take the time to submit your funnies...
Please take the time and submit your comments,
Overheards, gossip, trash talk , etc So we can continue
to make this site, Hip, Funny, thought Provoking and
and all that other rubbish....
You don't have to be a comedy writer, life itself
provides the jokes...just listen
Please give so others may laugh, chortle, snort, etc
Thank you from the management...eeeeeeeeee
Posted by Overheard at 09:37 PM | TrackBack
You want tarter sauce with that?
Tourist 1: You want to stop somewhere and get
someting to eat?
Tourist2: What u have in mind?
Tourist1: There is a fish and chip place across the street...
Tourist2: H#ll no, if I see another fish and chip place
I'm gonna hurl up yeasterdays breakfast.....
Tourist1: So where u wanne eat then?
Tourist2: How about France......
Overheard: Tat
Off Picadilly
Posted by Overheard at 06:53 PM | TrackBack
Who’d be an Hungarian Bartender
Customer: “I’d be careful going to that bar, it’s gay,You’ll have to walk around with your back to the wall.
Hungarian Bartender: “Yes, we have a similar thing in
my country only they speak a different language”.
Stephan (please believe me it’s all true)
Posted by Overheard at 06:48 PM | TrackBack
Alrighty then...
Girl: I'm just gonna go and find a belt.
Everyone is managing to see my arse.
Where: Hamstreet
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 06:42 PM | TrackBack
June 09, 2006
Oh,sexy....
Girl 1: He's like a stalker! He keeps asking me
what I'm wearing,then he's like "That sounds nice!"
Girl 2: You should tell him you're wearing filty
trackie bottoms and a t-shirt covered in beans.
That's what I usually wear when I'm at home.
Where: De La Warr Pavillion, Bexhill
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 06:36 PM | TrackBack
A reader writes
Who’d be an Hungarian Bartender?
Hungarian bartender (in Hungarian on thinking he recognised the accent)
to customer struggling with English: “Where are you from”?
Customer (in Hungarian): “I’ve just moved in down the road”.
Stephan (they just slay me)
Posted by Overheard at 06:34 PM | TrackBack
oh, that's just mean...
On the bus, we were coming up to a stop where
a girl was waiting.
Bus Driver: Does she get on here usually?
Girl: Nah. I don't like her.
Bus Driver: Ah, we wont pick her up then.
He drives right passed her.
Where: Bus to Bexhill
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 06:30 PM | TrackBack
June 08, 2006
A reader writes:
This is in no way meant to be disrespectful but it was funny and true.
The scenario is that we often host Mencap evenings in my pub so…….
A customer with a mental health problem has been very slow in
ordering a large round of drinks on a very busy evening in my pub,
he slowly orders one drink at a time, these orders are punctuated by “I…erm..and…I…erem…ummm…..would like a…umm…erm”, while
taking each drink to his table also one at a time. Other customers
and the barman have, of course, been very patient as the problem
is obvious. He returns to the bar, pays, receives his change, and
turns to leave the bar, turns back and asks the barman,
“I..erm….erm…would like two packets of Nobby’s crisps”.
Barman (a little exasperated) say’s, “Nuts”. Customer, “No, crisps”.
Barman, “We only serve nuts”.
I left the bar so quickly followed by every one within earshot.
What made it funnier was the barman was oblivious to what he had said.
Stephan (your favourite barman)
Posted by Overheard at 07:13 PM | TrackBack
OK.....
"Girl on phone: yeah,I know, the top half of your tummy
is hungry but the bottom half isn't."
WTF!?
Where: Regent's Park
Overheard by: Margeurite
Posted by Overheard at 07:10 PM | TrackBack
Eeekk, Sharks!
The bus has been almost breaking down for a fair few miles now.
Girl 1: Come on! Don't break down! Once we get to college
you can break down!
Bus Driver: Oh, thanks! I don't want to be sitting on this
bus all day long! It's a lovely day out there!
Girl 1: Just leave the bus and go down to the beach!
Bus Driver: Yeah, and dump the bus in the sea.
No one would notice.
Girl 1: You should stick a fin on top of it.
People would think it was a shark!
Girl 2: Yes, a BIG, ORANGE SHARK!
Where: Bus to Bexhill
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 07:08 PM | TrackBack
June 07, 2006
ohhh, sweet.
I thought I heard a little girl say to her mum in
a museum gift shop.
Girl: "Mum, I don't want to die!
I turned to see her holding a large, fluffy, pink DICE.
Where: Museum
Overheard by: martburn
Posted by Overheard at 06:24 PM | TrackBack
Who’d be a bartender:
Customer to my Hungarian bartender (who had a cold) in a loud, slow,
deliberate voice so he would understand better????????
“YOU SHOULD TRY A LEMSIP IT’S A POWDER THAT YOU MIX
WITH BOILING WATER IT TASTES OF LEMONS AND IS GOOD FOR COLDS”
Bartender: “I know this I am from Hungary not Mars”.
Stephan (there’s more)
Posted by Overheard at 06:21 PM | TrackBack
Magical mystery tour...
Old lady: I'm going on a mystery tour tomorrow.
Girl: Where are you going?
Old lady and middle-aged woman in unison: It's a mystery!
Where: Rye
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 06:19 PM | TrackBack
June 06, 2006
text this...
A text message conversation between me and a friend.
Friend: You know a lot of gay girls don't you?
Me: Yeah, I'm a gay magnet!
Friend: Wow! I'm sleepy....
Where: Through text!
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 07:29 PM | TrackBack
Uhh, OK.
Girl: You should dress up like a chicken
and go in and punch everyone.
Where: Bexhill College
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 07:27 PM | TrackBack
Quiz night in my pub
Barman to lad: “How did you do in the quiz”?
Lad: “We came last”
Barman: “Better luck next week”
Lad: “Oh, its ok we did better than I thought we would”
Barman (with confused look): “How do work that out”
Lad: “I thought we’d get disqualified”
Posted by Overheard at 07:25 PM | TrackBack
June 05, 2006
A reader writes:
Bloke:(points at swan) See that duck with the
orange beak, one of them got stroppy with
me once and wouldn't let me park.
Where: Regents park, London
Overheard by: Margeurite
Posted by Overheard at 06:54 PM | TrackBack
Sorry, my bad.....
Hi, I asked before, probably under a different
name 'cause i never remember the names I
put in places like this...Anyway, why does your
header bar sometimes have a picture of O'Connell
St Dublin? This is not a UK location and seems
inappropriate for the overheard in the UK site...
Thanks.
M
Where: This is a comment!
Overheard by: Margeurite
Posted by Overheard at 06:45 PM | TrackBack
I'm melting......
On a Northern Line train during peak time, 5:30pm ish.
A man is slapping himself and rubbing his skin over his face
Suit: Are you ok?
Man: Just making sure I'm not melting.
Where: tube
Overheard by: ravs
Posted by Overheard at 06:43 PM | TrackBack
June 04, 2006
Tough love...
A friend of mine has recently got a new boyfriend,
and they have a very boisterous relationship with
a lot of hitting and biting! She is just
about to send him a text.
Friend: I wish I could send a fist through text...
he'd love that!
Where: The Ship Inn, Rye
Overheard by: Daisy
Posted by Overheard at 05:50 PM | TrackBack
Overheard in my pub (I’m a barman)
Customer 1: “Where’s Islington”?
Customer 2: (pointing) “Over that way”
Customer 1: “Are you sure”?
Customer 2: (pointing) “Well yeah, ‘cause the sun rises over there and sun sets over there so it must be in that direction”.
Customer 1: (looking confused) “But that’s for the purpose of the sun”.
Stephan (there are so many more)
Posted by Overheard at 05:49 PM | TrackBack
June 02, 2006
Trolls...Cool!
Old lady while walking under a bridge as a train is going across.
"There's trolls, the trolls are running over the bridge"
Where: Wigan
Overheard by: Placebo-Freak
Posted by Overheard at 07:08 PM | TrackBack
June 01, 2006
mmmm.........
Young man: She really liked me, and sees me as a good friend.
Older man: Yeah right, that old chestnut.
Younger man: Exactly those chestnuts.
Where: LONDON BAR
Overheard by: stephan
Posted by Overheard at 06:34 PM | TrackBack
Oh, Behave...
Girl 1: With David, did you ever just get the urge to kiss him? Just to kiss
or cuddle him for no reason?
Girl 2: Yeah, all the time. You know, whenever we were on our break or
whatever.
Girl 1: It’s so hard isn’t it? I’ve never had this before!
Girl 2: Yeah, I know, it’s so hard to ignore. Like, sometimes, when we’d be
sitting there not doing anything to each other, I just wanted to grab him!
Girl 1: Yeah, sometimes we just need to have a good old grab!
Where: Bexhill
Overheard by: Daisy (again!!!)