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January 25, 2006
S-O-S
Girl: How do you crash a boat?
Guy: And his dad is making him stay there to work of the damages.
Girl: Doing what?
Guy: Rowing tourist around.
Girl: On a boat?
Guy: W-A-T-E-R V-E-S-S-E-L.
Girl: Seriously, when are you going to stop spelling everything out?
Where: Le Café on the Green, UEL
Overheard by: Maritza
Posted by Overheard at 07:00 AM
January 23, 2006
Flushed Your Brain? Hope You Wiped
Girl: What was she talking about the toilets spin the other way?
Guy: Oh, in the southern hemisphere.
Girl: What's she mean, it's all in your head?
Guy: What?
Girl: Isn't that part of your brain?
Guy: What?
Girl: The southern hemisphere.
Guy: WHAT.
Where: Hilcrest Road, London
Overheard by: Sheb
Posted by Overheard at 10:00 AM
January 22, 2006
Some MILF with Your Meat?
Kid A: I'm officially bloated.
Kid B: Me too, kid.
Kid A: Yo, your mom's stays having Italian sausage.
Kid B: I know man, she eats that shit like everyday.
Kid A: Really? I should break her off some of my African-sausage.
Kid B: African-sausage? What? They don't even have food where you're from! Where you gonna get a sausage?
Overheard by: Jocey
Where: Stockwell Road, Brixton, London
Posted by Overheard at 06:59 AM
January 21, 2006
And with the Right Approach, He Could Be
Gay guy: Oh my god, what the hell is she wearing?
Gay guy 2: I don't know, but my bottle of Johnnie Walker could be her father.
Where: Regents Canal
Overheard by: Julian
Posted by Overheard at 06:59 AM
January 19, 2006
How About Having A Bastard?
Man: C'mon!
Woman: I'm not having an abortion.
Where: East London
Overheard by: Chris
Posted by Overheard at 10:40 AM
January 18, 2006
Ups and Downs
Guy on mobile: Don't worry about it. It fluctuates...like Britney Spears' knockers.
Overheard by: Kazou
Posted by Overheard at 08:40 AM
January 15, 2006
What About the Black Dog vs the White Cat?
Guy buying rat: So do you think the white ones are any smarter than the black ones?
Employee: No, wouldn't say that.
Guy buying rat: I mean...or...are the black ones smarter than the white ones? Like which are better?
Employee: Well albinos are mutants anyway...they're the freak-shows prone to defects. I'd get the black ones.
Guy buying rat: Yeah, that's a really good point.
Overheard by: Amber
Where: Hurlingham Pets, New King's Road, London
Posted by Overheard at 10:33 AM
January 13, 2006
The Revenge of Miki Mouse
Bloke 1: So this guy out was raking, burning leaves. He goes back inside and finds a mouse. The sadistic fucker douses the little bugger in lighter fluid and throws it into the flaming leaves. Immediately the mouse goes kamikaze on the man, runs in the house and catches everything on fire. Next thing you know his whole house is up in flames.
Bloke 2: Serves him right if you ask me.
Bloke 1: Yeah, but my point is, be the mouse man!
Bloke 2: Alright, how about a couple more shots of confidence first?
Overheard by: Fitz
Where: The Cooperage, Tooley Street, London
Posted by Overheard at 01:33 PM
January 11, 2006
Extra Credit: Spawn My Child
Girl on mobile: She's pregnant?
Girl on mobile: Well, she better be getting an A.
Overheard by: Lacie
Posted by Overheard at 06:46 AM
January 09, 2006
All Your Denby Are Belong To Us
Landlady: Darling, you never like the ceramics designs everyone else does. You can just tell when someone likes Denby. When I met Julie, she was just screaming Denby.
Landlord: I like Denby, everyone did in the '70s.
Landlady: I know. I wasn't living in England at the time. That's why I went to Africa. I was escaping from all the Denby!
Overheard by: Olivia
Where: At home in London
Posted by Overheard at 07:04 AM
January 06, 2006
Lost Yer Shagbag?
Chav 1: Ain't no talent tonight...
Chav 2: Yeah, it's disgusting. If I ain't got my oats by midnight, I'm going home.
Chav 1: You tart sharon!
Chav 2: Well, d'ya know what I mean?!
Where: Plymouth
Overheard by: Andy
Posted by Overheard at 08:26 AM
January 05, 2006
How About My Clam Shells?
American: Do you accept the Diners Club card?
Cashier: Umm..no, I don't think so.
American: Nevermind, my wife thinks she's funny.
He walks out looking embarrassed.
Where: McDonalds, King's Road
Overheard by: Telly
Posted by Overheard at 07:02 AM
January 04, 2006
So A Porpoise and A Seaman Walk into a Bar
Girl: Hear about the rich lady marrying a dolphin?
Guy 2: Yeah. I've heard of men and sailors having sex with dolphins, but I guess it works both ways, huh?
Girl: Okay, I was gonna do a joke about a porpoise marrying rich, and look at you stinking it up with your perverted little mind!
Overheard by: Manny
Posted by Overheard at 07:07 AM
January 03, 2006
At Least He Didn't Wake Up in His Own Vomit
Purple hair: So, what was your resolution?
Smoker guy: I'm smokin' it, baby. Sending that shit up in smoke.
Purple hair: That's why there's next year hun.
Overheard by: Angus M.
Posted by Overheard at 07:33 AM