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August 31, 2005
At Least I'm Not Blonde
Housemate: (On phone to girlfriend) ...yea, she's really annoying -
she's just so dappy it's unbelievable.
[Pause]
Housemate: Yea, she's really dappy, she -
[Pause]
Housemate: She's dappy, like she's just so blonde it's unbeliev-
[Pause]
Housemate: Dappy. It means stupid.
Where: Around the house
Posted by Overheard at 07:25 AM
August 30, 2005
Confession: I'm Lovin' It
Last year, when I worked at the McDonalds on Regent and Little Portland, I would clean the tables, chairs, doors and windows with a urine solution of my own.
Everytime someone ate a french fry off the table I would sing "I'm lovin' it".
Confessed by: Now Working at Starbucks
Posted by Overheard at 08:10 AM | Comments (1)
So You Thought You Were Feeding The Children?
Hobo: Spare some change?
Woman: Sorry, I just gave it to someone else.
Hobo: That poseur? Get your money back and tell him to go home for dinner. I'm the one who's fucking starving.
Where: Outside HSBC - Gerrard Street
Posted by Overheard at 08:08 AM
August 29, 2005
The Forbidden Text
Girl's Shirt: *Stop staring at my tits, pervert.*
Where: The Piccadilly Line
Posted by Overheard at 05:57 PM
The Irrelevant Mind
Guy: Hello Julia, what's up?
Julia: My silly cat jumped out the window.
Guy: Wow! How'd he get the bloody thing open?
Overheard by: Larry
Where: Camden Passage, London
Posted by Overheard at 05:56 PM
August 25, 2005
I Live & Work Here, But I'm French At Heart
Suit: Do you remember how peaceful it was to doze off in class?
Suit 2: Very well.
Suit: It's just not the same when I do it here.
Suit 2: Never will be.
Overheard by: Chris
Posted by Overheard at 10:57 AM
August 24, 2005
It's That Time of the Month
It's time for us to pay tribute to the Internet Gods again.
If you see an ad that sparks your interest, please click it. Every click helps keep OHUK up and running.
But don't forget, the best way to contribute is with an overheard or confession of your own! So, don't be shy about it, you can always choose to remain anonymous. That most important link is always at the top of the page.
Thanks for your support!
~Overheard
Posted by Overheard at 02:17 PM
Mash Keys For Assistance
These blokes were watching a overweight man key-in a number on his mobile.
Guy: How does he even dial with those things?
Guy 2: I know, they're like big-toes...
Posted by Overheard at 02:13 AM
It Looks Like We Need Metal Detectors
Co-worker: It looks like these cupboards have little white baby coffins on top of them.
Where: Walking through the office
Posted by Overheard at 12:41 AM
You Talk The Talk, But Can You Suck My...
Dude: Come on, let's do a threeway with one of your girlfriends.
Girl: Okay, but first let's do it with some other guy.
Dude: Okay.
Girl: I changed my mind.
Where: South Dutton
Posted by Overheard at 12:39 AM
August 23, 2005
Bums Are Funny
Man 1: Does my hand smell funny?
Man 2: *Sniffs* - Eww yeah it does.
Man 1: Well it should, I just shoved it up my bum!
Overheard by: Ronald Leceister
Where: Raleigh Street
Posted by Overheard at 11:35 PM
August 22, 2005
Wanna Play With My Jukebox?
Girl, 15: I don't think I can fit any thing else down there.
Guy: Me neither. Let's get going then.
Where: Virgin Megastore - Oxford Street
Posted by Overheard at 08:52 PM
Freshly Baked Buns
Suit: Wow, who was that?
Suit 2: That's me daughter wise-guy.
Suit: Wow...
Where: Debenhams
Posted by Overheard at 08:50 PM
Time To Get A Watch
Man: Excuse me, do you have the time?
Crazy guy: Yeah mo'fucka, do you?
Where: Lisle Street
Posted by Overheard at 08:48 PM
Maddam, You're a Bitch
Lady: Sir, you have something on your face.
Man: Yeah, it's called skin.
Where: Carnaby Street
Posted by Overheard at 08:44 PM
Your Secret's Safe With Me
Guy: You alright man?
Stoned Guy: Yeah.
Guy: You're stoned aren't you!
Stoned Guy: I found some weed in my kids room.
Guy: So you smoked it?
Stoned Guy: Yeah, what the fuck is he going to do about it?
Where: The Stockpot - Kings Road
Posted by Overheard at 08:42 PM
August 18, 2005
Great Business Sense
Guy: Here, take my card.
Friend: Your card? But you don't even have a job.
Guy: I know, but I got them for cheap.
Where: British Museum, Bloomsbury
Posted by Overheard at 04:59 PM
Let's Go To Your Parents House and Find Out
Boyfriend: *Does the cliché fisting sign*
Girlfriend: I wonder if the fist could get stuck?
Overheard by: Rich
Where: Kemp Town, Brighton
Posted by Overheard at 09:44 AM
Say, Where's My Stop?
Guy on mobile: Hey mate, where you at? I just got on the 281 for free!
Where: N77 bus
Posted by Overheard at 09:42 AM
August 16, 2005
The Circle of Life
Man Date: How's married life so far?
Married Guy: Besides being set up on playdates with her girlfriends' husbands, it's great.
Man Date: Oh...
Overheard by: Mocha Frappachino Girl
Where: Starbucks, Notting Hill Gate, London
Posted by Overheard at 05:28 PM
August 15, 2005
Maybe Not...
Guy: How can he blast that crappy music?
Friend: Maybe he's deaf, so he doesn't know it's crap.
Kid Blasting Headphones: I can hear you cunts.
Overheard By: Amy
Where: Kings Cross Station
Posted by Overheard at 10:40 AM
What's A Field Without Any Grass?
Guy: I convinced her to shave, after dozens of reasons and months of asking. Well guess who was running to the store for liquid bandages?
Where: N207 bus
Posted by Overheard at 10:39 AM
August 14, 2005
Ignorance Is Bliss
Whino: Do you know how that gina is?
Drunk: No, and don't you tell me.
Posted by Overheard at 08:05 AM
It's What's Inside That Counts
Girl: Why'd you guys split up?
Girlfriend: I think the bastard was only in it for my kidney.
Where: Warterloo Station
Posted by Overheard at 08:04 AM
August 11, 2005
Look Like This Dry-Erase Board, Please.
SERVICE INFORMATION
Date: 26 July 2005
Time: All dayNOTICE TO ALL PASSENGERS
Please do not run on the platforms or concourses. Especially if you are carrying a rucksack, wearing a big coat or look a bit foreign. This notice is for you own saftey.
Thank you.
Posted by Overheard at 09:02 PM | Comments (1)
August 10, 2005
Adults Only
Teenager: Let's have a few of them.
Girl Shuffling Flyers: Get your own fucking whore cards.
Name: The Seldom Killer
Where: Kings Cross Road
Posted by Overheard at 03:36 AM
August 09, 2005
That's Hot. Jack It Off.
Woman in Jacket: It's just so hot outside. I'm burning up.
Bank Teller: Yeah, you're probably going to have to go jacket off.
Overheard by: OptionSnowBoy
Where: Standing in line at the Bank
Posted by Overheard at 05:05 PM
August 08, 2005
It's Fixed This Time, I Promise!
Okay, okay... I know I said that the submission form was fixed. And it was, 75% fixed, so sorry. Well, now it is 100% fixed, I promise! I have no idea how many stories are lost in cyberspace, but trackback and you'll see that we haven't received that many new ones lately.
So, once again, if you've ever, in your life, submitted something to OHUK, do it again!
Posted by Overheard at 12:15 PM
Danish Pr0n
Photographer (translated): It is so hard to make genital shots look nice!
Girl: aha...
Name: Anders
Where: Rosengaards Centret, Odense, Denmark
Posted by Overheard at 12:12 PM | Comments (1)
August 07, 2005
Press 7 To Delete This Message
Friend: Hey Derick, did you get any of my voice mails?
Derick: Yes, I did.
Friend: Thanks for the callback homo.
Where: Canal Street, Nottingham
Posted by Overheard at 09:04 PM
August 05, 2005
Stuck Up a Ladder
Girl: My house is so big, it's pointless...
Friend: Yes, I know what you mean.
Overheard by: Hugh
Where: No. 73 bus, London
Posted by Overheard at 03:36 PM
August 04, 2005
Lousy Pirates
Teen: If ya hurt me sis, I'll revenge ya! Same if ya hurt all me mates, I'll fuckin' revenge ya!
Teen 2: Alright, whatever.
Where: Northamptonshire
Posted by Overheard at 07:34 AM
August 02, 2005
2003 UB313
Little boy: They found a new planet.
Mother: Wow, where'd they find it?
Little boy: In space dummie.
Posted by Overheard at 03:53 AM
August 01, 2005
Equal Opportunity
Guy: Hunting deer with a gun that big... there's no sportsmanship.
Other Guy: Yeah, you should have to headbutt and kick them to death. That would even the playing field.
Where: The Porter House, Dublin
Posted by Overheard at 10:15 PM
For Childrens-Sake
Guy on cell mobile: I mean she had a beard, beard. There's no way my kids are gonna have a bearded grandmum.
Where: #9 Bus
Posted by Overheard at 10:13 PM | Comments (1)
Like, Like, Fits Anywhere
Girl: Like, ever since she came back from the states, like all of her sentences are like: "like so, well like... like, like, like."
Guy: Hmm.
Where: The Ashmoloean, Oxford
Posted by Overheard at 10:11 PM
My Right-Hand Woman
Woman: Is it normal to have an imaginary friend at his age?
Man: Well I had one until I met you.
Woman: This'd better not be another one of your Palmella jokes.
Man: Oh kay.
Where: Bentham Road, Thamesmead
Posted by Overheard at 10:10 PM | Comments (3)