July 30, 2005
Tea-time II
Tourist: I don't think you're getting a sandwich.
Tourist 2: You heard that too, right: Bee-Owl Tea?
Tourist: You shoulda said sandwich at the end.
Where: Maxwell's, Covent Garden
Posted by Overheard at 04:43 AM
July 29, 2005
Lost Submissions!
If you've ever sent a story to us, there's a very good chance that we never got to see it. We were using a free service from Bravenet that failed to deliver about two-thirds of the submissions. I guess you get what you pay for.
Anyway, we finally figured out how to do it ourselves. And now all submissions are handled by our server; that means no annoying pop-ups, and no lost stories!
So, if you've ever, in your life, sent us something with that crappy form, send it again with the new and improved form.
Posted by Overheard at 08:12 AM
July 28, 2005
Shitty Boyfriend?
Girl: Are you sure he would do that?
Pissed-off Girl: All I know is, I brushed my teeth this morning with a toothbrush that smelled like ass-crack.
Girl: Ugh, that's so gross...
Posted by Overheard at 09:54 PM
Amazing Fashion Sense
Girl on cell: Flip-flops and nine toes just don't work hun.
Where: Braganza Street
Posted by Overheard at 09:31 PM | Comments (1)
July 27, 2005
Tea-time
Victim: He said he teabagged me.
Friend: What's that mean?
Victim: Hell if I know.
Posted by Overheard at 08:06 AM
July 26, 2005
Mmm... Bacon
Suit: What happen to your arm?
Polo: I was leaning on my toaster oven.
Where: Canary Wharf Tower
Posted by Overheard at 10:25 AM
July 25, 2005
Me Love You Long Time
Flamer on Cell: I met Pauls new guy.
Flamer on Cell: Can you say "mail order bride"?
Posted by Overheard at 09:00 PM
The Radiohead Factor
Young guy: This is all Blair's fault, you know.
Guy 2: No, he's cool. He listens to Radiohead.
Where: High Chaparral, Greenwich
Posted by Overheard at 08:30 PM
I Laugh to Hide My Tears
Girl: Hey you, why so glum?
Sad Guy: Well, Pepper fell out of the window.
Girl: Oh no! Is he alright?
Sad Guy: No, not at all.
Girl: Wow... Usually cat's can take a 20-foot drop, no?
Sad Guy: Pepper is my dog.
Girl: Wow well... I'm sorry... I really don't know why I'm laughing.
Overheard by: More than one
Where: The Cowley Club
Posted by Overheard at 10:09 AM
Isn't that that black guy from that thing?
Black guy: Damn, I hate confusing black people.
Black friend: Yeah, it almost makes it alright for white people to do it.
Black guy: Damn...
Posted by Overheard at 07:26 AM | Comments (1)
July 24, 2005
Overwhelmed
Guy: I feel like I've been trying to do too much lately.
Other guy: I know what you mean. Yesterday, I took a cup of coffee, my laptop and a cigarette with me on to the toilet. All I accomplished was nearly burning my wanker.
Overheard by: The seat behind them
Where: Odeon South
Posted by Overheard at 05:57 AM
July 23, 2005
Not everyone can wear a trench coat in the summer and run from the police
One witness to the killing, Mark Whitby, said that as that he saw the man as he entered the subway car."The man got on the train I looked at his face. He looked from left to right, but he basically looked like a cornered rabbit, like a cornered fox. He looked absolutely petrified. He sort of tripped but they were hotly pursuing him and couldn't have been more than two or three feet behind him at this time. They unloaded five shots into him. I saw it. He's dead, five shots, he's dead," Whitby said.
From MSNBC
Posted by Overheard at 07:10 PM | Comments (3)
July 21, 2005
Her Majesty's Turbans
Guy: Did you hear about the Sikhs in New York?
Guy 2: No.
Guy: After the red bus happened, their Department for Transport wants them to wear a badge on their turbans.
Guy 2: That's just wrong. I really hope they don't try that in London.
Guy: Yeah, but it'd be kind of nice for comic relief.
Where: Beckton
Posted by Overheard at 03:57 PM
So fresh and so dirty, dirty
Girl: Are you wearing Downy?
Guy: I know, I used too much.
Girl: Do some laundry, you're making my eyes itch.
Guy: Do you want to know what's itching me?
Girl: God, no!
Guy: Alright then let's change the subject.
Posted by Overheard at 03:17 PM
Yeah... she was pissed.
Cell phone guy: I don't know how it happened.
Cell phone guy: Yeah she was pissed [laughing].
Cell phone guy: Yeah, I think mostly because I was laughing.
Cell phone guy: Well she didn't really say anything cos her mouth was full. It was so funny that I couldn't move, I was just cracking up.
Cell phone guy: And so she's trying to mop me up you know... to keep the bed from getting soiled. All the while she's [makes mumbling noises] at me with a mouthful of piss.
Where: Colton Arms Pub - London
Posted by Overheard at 07:59 AM
July 20, 2005
Extreme Leftists
Mother: Tell your father what Mrs. [Teacher] told you today.
Boy: She said people in America drive on the left side of the road because they have more left-handed people.
Mother: Can you believe that!
Father: Uh... no?
Where: Southgate
Overheard by: Darin
Posted by Overheard at 11:35 PM | Comments (3)
July 19, 2005
A Confession: The Return of Shaggy
Remember this girl? Here's the rest of her Shag-quadrangle:
Background – after my marriage broke down I started messing around (i.e. using) a couple of my bosses. They took my mind off my loneliness, and I got the best annual pay rise I’ve ever had….
Move forward to after I’ve left the company and have just heard that in a couple of week’s time I’m moving abroad to start a new job. I alerted most of my family members by phone, but my brother and his wife lived abroad, so I told them by e-mail along with EVERYONE ELSE in my address book, including my estranged husband – hey, we were still friends.
I let them know about the job, where I’d be living, what I’d be doing, and how soon I’d be moving away. I swiftly got a response from my ex saying he’d be dropping round that evening with champagne to celebrate, and a couple of other friends asked where the leaving drink would be.
Then my sis-in-law (who was “in the know”) replied, wishing me luck and telling me not to have any more affairs with my new bosses. I read her mail, chuckled, then realized that she’d hit “Reply to all”. Oh shit!
I was stunned. I sat in front of the screen with my head in my hands, just repeating “Fuck” over and over and over.
When I looked up again, guess what? There were numerous mails back from my friends asking for an explanation of my sis-in-law’s message, all wanting to know what had been going on… The word BUSTED sprang to mind.
That evening when my ex turned up at my door (yes, he still came round – I told you were friends), he was NOT a happy camper. I mumbled something about my sis-in-law making a joke out of a drunken Christmas party kiss I’d confessed to…
Posted by Overheard at 08:24 AM
Wave of Stupidity
A reporter was talking about people dying in a new wave of violence sweeping Iraq.
Stupid Girl: How the hell do you drown in the desert?
Stupid Girls Friend: You would have to be an idoit.
Overheard by: Anonymous
Where: Sports Café, Manchester
Posted by Overheard at 08:09 AM | Comments (2)
July 18, 2005
Japanese Car?
Girl 1: So now I need a new car since I wrecked mine.
Girl 2: You should get a Japanese car.
Girl 1: What's that?
Where: Brixton Tube Station
Posted by Overheard at 03:53 AM
Shagging Your Boss Is Like Shagging Your Landlord
The Background:
I was shagging my boss, and through him I was renting one of his friend's apartments; my landlord was his friend.
The Story:
I was out at dinner one night with a friend of mine. As we were
eating/chatting I heard a guy at the table behind me (i.e. facing my friend) mention the name W as he chatted. As it's an uncommon name my ears pricked up.
He then mentioned the name M (W's wife's name).
I told my friend to shut up and check out the guy at the table doing the talking. I described my landlord (some quite specific features) - he said it was him.
My landlord then went on to say: "I'm pretty sure that W will never find out about M and my's affair". Ha ha ha ha! Little did he know!
The Nutshell:
M is the boss's wife. I was shagging him, and she was shagging my landlord. Ho ho ho.
Posted by Overheard at 12:22 AM
All Ears on the UK
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Posted by Overheard at 12:02 AM